Thinking about sex lately, in a kind of intellectual way

I've been thinking a lot about sex lately. Possibly this train of thought was inspired by Dr. Christiane Northrup's presentation on "Think TV" (not always an oxymoron), about menopause and all that precedes and post dates it. She was a compendium of information, some of which I already knew simply because I have already gone through it. She treated the topic tastefully and with humor. She was fun to listen to. But when she got to the last part of her speech - the sex talk- she had even more interesting things to say.

First of all, she enjoined her audience to forget about the myth that older people don't enjoy or engage in sex. If you're healthy, you want it, can have it, and will enjoy it, she said. Well I paraphrase a bit, but that is the gist. Whew, I'm normal, I thought. I wonder how long it will be enjoyable. "For a long, long time," she said. Hmmm, that's nice, I thought.It may not be a spiritual, transcendent experience anymore, but I've had that and good romp is worth just as much to me as an out-of-body experience nowadays.

Then Dr. Northrup pointed to her head and said, "Sexiness is up here. It's not a matter of the heart; it's a matter of the head." If you don't feel sexy, you won't be sexy. Ah, I do know that one. Perception is all. So she ordered us pre-, post-, and menopausal women to stand in front of a mirror every day for two minutes and say, "I am a vital, attractive woman. I accept myself completely as I am." Or something like that. She then said for the PhD version of that, do it with all your clothes off.

My girlfriends howled when I told them that and that got my mind off sex and onto another aspect of aging. Girlfriends. A group of girlfriends who have known each other for years and still like each other is an invaluable gift of age. We know each others' histories - the unsuitable men, the awful hairstyles and hair colors, the jobs that drove us crazy, our dreams, our children and their foibles, our grandchildren and their perfection. Who else but a long-time girlfriend can make exactly the right face when you mention your long-divorced first husband? That's a real bond when she knows exactly what you had to go through to become the person you now are. A mother does not know you this intimately, but a girlfriend knows things that your mother does not. And that is a good thing because a girlfriend didn't have a mother's expectations. A girlfriend loves you just the way you are - or she wouldn't still be your friend.

When we get this old, (let's just say we are Boomers), we don't hang around with people we don't like. We have dropped them by the wayside as we evolved. When we get this old, we say what is in our heads. We may be polite or maybe a little bit tactful if the situation demands it, but we do tell it like it is. We don't care if people disagree, and it isn't a matter of thinking we are always right. We just say what we think and let it lie there. No big deal.

I was feeling very lucky the day we discussed looking at ourselves naked in the mirror. Lucky that I have these women in my life. They know me so well and they are still my friends. We can share chocolate, drink tea together, commiserate on life's tricks, enjoy good things that happen to each other, laugh raucously, and communicate volumes with an archly raised eyebrow. They know what is meant by that look - words are not necessary.

So from sex to the joys of friendship. Gee, at my age, with a long-time partner I guess sex is a joy of friendship. See? Now I'm back to thinking of sex again. There are worse things to think of, I suppose.



I've always considered Erma Bombeck to be a girlfriend. She didn't know me, but I knew her through her comedy routines and her one-liners about being a mom, wife, mother. To honor women and Erma, here are a few of her quotes:

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
-- Erma Bombeck

Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-rearing, they are unemployed.
-- Erma Bombeck

Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen? Three. It takes one to say, "What light?" and two more to say, "I didn't turn it on."
-- Erma Bombeck

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop offs at tedium and counter productivity.
-- Erma Bombeck

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
-- Erma Bombeck