Happy Birthday ...and Many More

The other day I had a birthday. It doesn't matter which one but the two digits add up to 10. That leaves a lot of possibilities but 19 and 91 are not among them. Somewhere in between. Old enough to be getting tired of the Christmas hype; young enough to enjoy sledding down the hill in the back yard. Old enough to enjoy a two-year-old's curiosity and exploration of his expanding world. Young enough to help a frail person negotiate icy steps. Too old to eat large meals with impunity but young enough to ride my bike 65 miles a day and enjoy it.

So I guess numbers don't really mean that much. Once again, as in so much of life, it's attitude that dictates enjoyment or its opposite. Thankfully, I still have an attitude that life is precious and interesting. Many things are left to learn and experience. The speed at which technology changes insures that much is left to learn in that area. I have many spots left on my list of places to see, more interesting people to meet and great books to read. In other words, I still love life.

But sometimes I think about family members and friends eventually dying and I wonder how I will react. Then I chastise myself for assuming that I won't die first and therefore miss the sadness and loss that is sure to come. I have lost both my parents and while I miss them tremendously and wish they were still here to provide counsel and see my children and grandchildren, I have survived their loss. So I suppose I will survive other deaths. I hope I will not be diminished by them to the point that I lose the spark that ignites my appreciation of this life. I hope that I will remember those who are close to me now with appreciation, love, and laughter after they are gone. And that makes me think that I have to live in such a way that my friends and family will remember me the same way - with love, appreciation that I was in their lives, and with laughter and good memories. This means I have to live up to those expectations. Well, that should keep me busy.

Death is a heavy subject but it seems to be one that naturally accompanies birthdays beyond, oh - 50 or so. In contemplating the end of life I find inspiration to live the rest of my life the best way I can. Maybe that's a sort of birthday in itself.

The following poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay is one of my favorites.

Dirge Without Music - Edna St. Vincent Millay

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel
they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,—
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.